he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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