toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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