its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
