We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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