Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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