No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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