Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize