That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
