im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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