if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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