There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
