I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
