Cold hands, warm shart.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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