When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize