My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
