just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Please, let me fuck your mom
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
