I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
the raccoons are back...
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