but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
