If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we made out on top of his cat.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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