ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
