i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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