i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
