you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
