she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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