Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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