I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
