My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just gift wrapped bread.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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