i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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