didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize