I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
