how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
