And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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