I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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