my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
