good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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