my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize