Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
