and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize