You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
