Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
