Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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