I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
