i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
