your thong is hanging out like whoa
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
