VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
operation harelip BJ is a go
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
