were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize