I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize