so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
