..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
