we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
