i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
