i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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