Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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