Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize