I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
