Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
