it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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