Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
