apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
