Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
