so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
