Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Is Oprah even human
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
