dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
