I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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