I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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