i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
