i barfeds in our rink
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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