Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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