Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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