if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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