my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
