Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize