We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
