did you get engaged???
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
zippers are such a cool invention
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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