and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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