HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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