if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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