Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
