i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
