Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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