youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
