I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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