Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
