Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize