its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
