took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
