I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
