Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
