So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
