Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
