I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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