This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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