We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize