I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
