woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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