Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
