we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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