The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
