she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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