end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
