turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
