im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
