Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
