and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize