Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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