Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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