I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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