he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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