the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
