I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
